What to Do When a Loved One With a Drinking Problem Blames You

Do not argue in the moment

NIAAA’s advice for conversations is to be calm and supportive, adopt a nonjudgmental tone and stick to the facts. It says not to gang up on the person or back him or her into a corner, and not to talk about treatment when the person is intoxicated.

Pick another time

NIAAA says to choose the right time to talk and to think about what you will say first. If the situation turns into a crisis, call 911.

Remember what the condition is

NIAAA describes alcohol use disorder as a medical problem, not a lack of willpower, and notes that people with it can feel isolated and rejected because of stigma. We found no official source that explains blaming specifically, so avoid guessing at motives.

Protect your own health

Caring for someone with alcohol problems can be very stressful. NIAAA lists Al-Anon, SMART Recovery for Family and Friends and family therapy as support for relatives. See also warning signs of alcohol use disorder.

To find treatment, use the NIAAA Alcohol Treatment Navigator, or call the SAMHSA National Helpline at 800-662-HELP (4357), as listed on the NIAAA treatment page. If someone is in crisis, call 911; the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline takes calls or texts at 988.